How to change your self concept to get your ex back

After a breakup it is easy to make everything about them. What they think. What they are doing. Whether they miss you. But the quiet key to your self concept for ex back is you. How you see yourself sets what you accept as normal, and that includes being loved by them.

This might feel like a twist. You came here for your ex and now we are talking about you. Stay with it. When you change the way you see yourself, the way they show up changes with it.

Why self concept matters for your ex

Self concept is simply how you see yourself. It is the quiet list in your head of what you are, what you deserve and what is normal for you.

Here is why it matters so much. Other people show you your own assumptions. If you assume you are easy to leave, people seem to leave. If you assume you are the one people come back to, they come back.

So your ex is a kind of mirror. You are not trying to fix the mirror. You are changing what stands in front of it.

If self concept is new to you, the beginner guide to self concept in the law of assumption is a great place to start.

How you see yourself after a breakup

A breakup can leave some loud old lines behind. You might notice thoughts like:

• I was not enough.
• Everyone leaves me eventually.
• I always mess things up.
• They are better off without me.

These lines are not facts. They are a story your mind is repeating because it heard it a few times. The more you repeat a story, the more it feels true. That is the only reason it feels so real.

You do not have to argue with these thoughts. You just need a better story to play instead.

You are not trying to fix the mirror. You are changing what stands in front of it.

How to change your self concept to get your ex back

Changing your self concept is about choosing a new normal and repeating it until it sticks. Here is a gentle way to do it:

1. Notice the old line. Catch it when you are scrolling, brushing your teeth or lying in bed.
2. Choose the new line. For "I was not enough" pick "I am more than enough, and they know it."
3. Say it often. Flat is fine. You do not have to feel it. Repeating it is the work.
4. Think from it. Ask yourself, "How would someone who is always chosen feel right now?" Then let yourself feel a tiny bit of that.
5. Persist. Keep choosing the new line, day after day, even when nothing looks different yet.

The Self concept 101 course takes you through this slowly, one short lesson at a time.

Lines about being chosen

Here are some lines to borrow. Change the words so they sound like you on a normal day.

• I am chosen. I am always chosen.
• I am the one they come back to.
• I am easy to love and easy to miss.
• My ex adores me and always has.
• I am safe, wanted and loved.
• Being loved by them is normal for me.

Pick one or two. Put one on your lock screen so you see it every time you check the time. Not sure which line to start with? The phone wallpaper affirmation quiz will pick one for you.

Living as the one they come back to

Now picture yourself as the person you just described. How does that person wake up? How do they walk into a room? How do they feel when their phone is quiet?

They are calm. They are not waiting. They know they are loved, so a quiet phone is just a quiet phone.

That calm is yours too, in your mind, right now. You can think from it before anything in the 3D moves. The 3D is just what you can see around you, and it catches up with your story.

For a wider look at love and how you see yourself, read about self concept for love. And when you are ready for the full picture, here is the guide to how to manifest your ex back.